So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
