he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
