You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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