You just made me feel so damn special
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
