You made me cry and you don't even care
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I did not marry a roomba.
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