I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
