the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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