I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
