my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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