oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
