currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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