Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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