Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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