saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
