I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
