I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
