i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize