She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
