I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How external is "for external use only"?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
