doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
