Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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