I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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