I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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