remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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