i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Vodka?
Forever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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