I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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