I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
