This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
