Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
