bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
