It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I love you.
Bad choice
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
