In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
