Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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