In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
