dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
