Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
