the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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