now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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