What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
