I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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