I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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