Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
