so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What a dumb baby whore.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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