Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So squirting runs in the family.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
