what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
whose ass print is on the piano?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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