If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
