I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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