I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Randomize
