Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
