I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My cat gives me a boner
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
