gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
