it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
