I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
