So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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