my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
