My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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