Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
