My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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