bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
