11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
