You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
