Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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