Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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