What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have fence marks all over my body
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
