My hand turned me down
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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