i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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