Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
handjob tips. give me some.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
