you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
