My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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