you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
